If you're tired of nagging, begging or bribing your child to start revising, I've got three techniques that will actually help them get started.
I'm Aadam, and I've been working with students preparing for 11+ and GCSE exams for over five years. What I'm about to share comes from real experience with families facing exactly what you're going through right now.
Understanding What's Really Going On
First, you need to understand something crucial: your child is not being lazy when they're avoiding revision. They're suffering from a fear of failure.
For the first time in their life, something with real consequences is happening to them. They're feeling overwhelmed by 10 to 20 exams all happening within a few short weeks. They're experiencing a loss of control over their time.
That time they used to spend with friends and family, playing games, watching YouTube or TikTok? It's now time that should be spent studying, and they're feeling guilty about it.
Psychologists talk about something called self worth protection. It's probably something you and I are guilty of too. It's when we avoid doing something for fear of being seen as incapable or not smart enough.
This is what's happening with your child.
What Doesn't Work
We have to stop bribing them with cake, throwing sweets at them or using whatever normally tempts them. We also need to stop comparing them with anyone else.
This approach just breeds anxiety.
Instead, try creating the right environment of encouragement.
Think of it like a plant. Just as a plant needs all the right external and internal factors working correctly to grow, our children need the same conditions. A plant needs the right amount of sunlight, rainfall, nutrients and carbon dioxide. When everything is functioning properly, it grows.
Our children need the right things in the right places to function properly and grow too.
The Three Techniques That Actually Work
Technique 1: Give Them Autonomy
The first thing we need to do is give our children some level of autonomy.
Now, this doesn't mean throwing away all the guardrails or rules you currently have in your household. It means giving them solutions and showing them the options available to them. You need to find out where they currently are and meet them there.
Let's say they haven't started revising at all. Typically, the language we'd use would be "Why haven't you started revising? What are you doing?"
Instead, flip the language to something constructive. Ask them something like "Would you like to create a revision routine together?" and give them freedom within that.
You could ask them:
- What subjects would you like to study?
- When would you like to study them?
- How long would you like to study for?
- How long would you like your breaks to be?
- What would you like to do during your breaks?
If you give them some freedom within a safe space, they'll feel more confident and comfortable with their own choices.
To help structure this properly, I've developed a digital revision planner and tracker that's become incredibly popular with families. It helps students create their own revision schedule whilst giving parents visibility over their progress, striking that perfect balance between autonomy and accountability.
Technique 2: Build Their Competency
After giving them freedom with guidance, we need to instil some level of competency and help them understand where they currently are. We want them to see that they're improving.
The way we do this is through mini tests and mock papers at home. They'll see the tests they're doing at school slowly improving. They'll see their grades getting better. Teachers at school and parents at home will hopefully be giving them more praise.
They'll be able to see their level of competency expanding.
I offer a specialist mock exam marking service that's recognised as one of the leading services for GCSE and 11+ students. When students receive detailed, professional feedback on their practice papers, they can actually see what they're doing well and exactly where to improve. This visible progress is incredibly motivating.
You can find practice papers on my website to use at home for these regular check ins.
Technique 3: Create Connection
The final thing we need to do, and it's probably the most difficult, is create a level of connection with our children.
It's going to be a challenging process over the next couple of months whilst they're preparing for their exams. There will be lots of ups and lots of downs, and it's important for you to stay calm, especially when they're in a low period.
When they're at a high point, they'll feel quite motivated and comfortable with what they're doing. They'll feel relaxed about taking on the challenges ahead.
When they're in a trough, you need to be their safe emotional base that they can return to whenever they need to.
Your Role in All This
Our roles as parents, tutors and teachers shouldn't be as critics. Instead, we should think about our roles as coaches or guides.
Our role is to help them see the progress they're making. We're not aiming for perfection. We're just aiming for tiny, regular little wins. That path of consistency will lead to progress.
Parents should acknowledge the effort a child is making and keep the pressure and stakes at home very low so they feel safe and comfortable getting things wrong whilst still being able to do well.
Building Internal Motivation
I truly believe all motivation should eventually be intrinsic. It shouldn't be linked to anything external. It should all come from within themselves.
If you use these techniques, hopefully your child can build that within themselves.
When children feel capable and supported, you'll see that effort naturally flows. Remember, if you create structure and routine, and you show them the progress they're making, the motivation within themselves will grow.
Need More Support?
If you have questions about motivating your child or need tutoring support for 11+ or GCSE exams, get in touch with me and I'd be happy to help.
Visit my website for expert online tutoring tailored to KS2 through GCSE levels. Whether it's exam prep, improving grades or building confidence, I'm here to support both you and your child through this journey.
Struggling to motivate your child without the constant nagging? Let's work together to create the right environment for their success. Book a free consultation today.